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WHY ARE SHIDDUCHIM SO FRUSTRATING THESE DAYS?

Many people are frustrated with shadchanim offering them shidduchim that simply do not match. Most shidduch websites do not ask much information other than simple basics which really do not properly express who you are or what you are looking for in a spouse.  It is of course important to know if a person keeps chalav yisrael and glatt kosher, but that will not be the point that makes you compatible in the long run or that makes a marriage a happy or successful one.

Even the profiles that are sent around by singles or shadchanim, although helpful, often do not say enough to truly give others a proper introduction to who you are. Remember, most shadchanim who look at your profile online have never met you and probably never will! So they make matches based only on the little bit of information provided.

In the olden days, in some towns in Europe , or even in USA, shadchanim were usually women who did not have to work and they had lots of time to meet prospective shidduchim. After meeting many boys and girls they could put people together based on questions asked, intuition, and what they were told the people were looking for. However, nowadays there are plenty of good shadchanim with good hearts who want to do mitzvahs because they understand the emergency situation of today, but there is a major difference. People are stressed, busy and life is hectic. And it is also much harder nowadays because people live in many different countries. It is no longer the old shtetels where everybody knew everybody….now most people are strangers and most shadchanim do not have time to interview personally most of the people they are trying to find shidduchim for. So it is a lot of guess work. People resort to taking names and very basic information and they make shidduchim based on that. That is why so many people complain that they are offered shidduchim that have no connection to what they are looking for and they cannot understand how people put them together.  The answer is very simple: the olden days are no longer here. 

People who are offered shidduchim that do not seem compatible end up feeling frustrated, hopeless and discouraged and that is where our shidduch service comes in. We offer a more precise matching situation, even from long distance, without meeting the person in person.  How is that accomplished?

By having each single fill up a very detailed comprehensive shidduch questionnaire and the computer then matches people based on the highest compatibility scores. 

So please fill everything out to the best of your ability, and be honest about your answers.  A detailed questionnaire will reveal important information that even a reference may not be aware of. That is why it is imperative to answer the questions in the questionnaire as honestly as you can.  Cheating yourself or a potential shidduch will only damage yourself and your future marriage.  And please remember, no private or incompatible information provided will be shared with anyone, including the potential shidduch or other shadchanim, without your permission. It is only for the purpose of the computer calculating compatibility. The only information shared is your high compatibility score together, and what answers were actually positive and compatible.

Another purpose for the detailed questionnaire is to make the person filling out the questionnaire aware of potential areas within themselves that may need fixing or healing. It also gives a person some concept of what areas need to be discussed with a potential match, and also to give people an idea of what type of questions to ask each other when dating.   Very often when people date they discuss things superficially but do not really get into problematic or controversial areas. It is important to discover possible problems before marriage and try to work them out. If they cannot be worked out before marriage, it is unlikely they will be workable after marriage! If there are problematic areas that need discussing, the computer will inform us of that and you will be told what needs to be spoken about while dating.

So these questionnaires serve a number of important functions. And certainly once a couple does get engaged, if they both agree, they could even exchange their questionnaire answers to see how much they have in common and what areas need to be worked on. This is a good source of pre marriage counseling and a good preparation for a happy marriage later.

IMPORTANT: Please remember, we do not do any background checking or reference calls.  Therefore anybody can simply fill up a questionnaire. We do hope they answer truthfully for their own sake and the sake of their potential shidduch, but we cannot be responsible about the character or background of the person or the truthfulness of their answers.  We cannot screen anybody.  Our function is just to find matches that have 80% compatibility or higher and you have to take it from there and do your own research once a good match is suggested. In other words, we just offer a computer service that screens for matches of highest compatibility. We cannot vouch for anyone who registers with us.   You need to do your own homework once a high compatibility  match is found for you.